Over the past 14 months of writing All Things Spliced, it has been a labour of love. It’s my second little baby, something I’ve nurtured and fed and pushed forward with despite it being tough at times, despite my confidence wavering every now and again, despite sometimes wondering why I’m even bothering.
But through it all, it has been just that: a labour of love. I started this blog as a way to record my memories of motherhood, and to see how far I’d come from that extremely nervous new mummy I once was. I always like to think that if something were to happen to me tomorrow, Baby Lighty would know exactly how much I loved him and how much better my life has been because of him by reading this little corner of the Internet as he gets older.
So why, now, do I suddenly feel like I’m at a crossroads with this blogging malarkey? Why am I suddenly questioning if I even want to be doing this any more?
That little voice has started to rear its ugly head; you know the one: the anxious, nervous, whiny one that lurks in the back of most people’s minds, but in someone that suffers from anxiety’s mind in particular. It’s saying, “you’re not good enough”, “No one wants to read your drivel”, “Who would be interested in you?!” *insert your own impression of a whiny voice for effect*
It says, “shouldn’t you be getting somewhere by now?!” (I don’t even know where this somewhere is!). It says, “you’re not good enough to be in this competition!” (and don’t even ask who I’m in competition with or what’s involved!). So if the rational side of my brain knows that I’m doing this for me, why do I still lay awake at night worrying about all of the other aspects of blogging?!
I’ve been in this funk for a while. I think it’s partly because I’ve had grand plans for my little blog this year, perhaps ideas above my station, and it’s now October, and they’ve not yet come to fruition. So now do I press ahead with these grand plans, bite the bullet, take the plunge, and see where this journey takes me…or do I just blog off?
We shall see. I’m planning on taking a bit of a blogging break to see if I can rejuvenate myself, and if my plans come off, rejuvenate my blog too. I’ve not written this post as a ‘poor me’ lament, but more to clear my head, and so I hope, lovely readers, that if I come out the other side in tact, you’ll all be willing to jump on board and come along with me.
So for now, hopefully just for a little short while, this is me blogging off.
I hope to see you all very soon,
Mrs Lighty xxx